By: Troy Boesen
It’s time for Raw to put on a show with WWE Passing Lane!
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar
The Build: We need some cruiserweights, dammit! Kendrick wanted Tozawa to be his protégé, but Tozawa refused. Swann and Dar were added for posterity sake.
My Pick: Swanzawa
Singles Match for the WWE Universal Championship: Kevin Owens © vs Goldberg
The Build: Billium Goldberg was tossed out of the Royal Rumble and requested a title shot match. He was given a title match. Kevin Owens decided that he was done being a goofy schmuck and DELETED Chris Jericho. Big Kev said that Goldberg got lucky and that he never liked Goldberg growing up (which may actually be true as Owens was a WWE Mark all his life). Golfborg made faces and grunted.
My Pick: Fucking hell. Probably Goldberg, although, Owens dropped the line “The EVOLUTION of Kevin Owens”, as we know, Evolution is a mystery, but we could be getting a Triple H led stable.
Roman Reigns vs Bruan Strowman
My Pick: Hees da plan, nobody wins baybey.
Gentlemanly contest for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville © vs Jack Gallagher
The Build: Gentleman Jack the Quipper earned a match against King Neville for the Cruiserweight belt via a Midget Battle Royal. Mary Cockings and The Man That Sideburns Forgot are set to do battle because we had to do something with the belt.
My Pick: Neville actually retains.
Tag Team Match for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championships:
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson © vs Enzo Amore and Big Cass
The Build: My name is Enzo Amore, and I am a chicken fucking, bottom rope ducking, crowd heat sucking waste of an over talent and Vince Can Ruin That. This right here, this is Big Cass, and he’s a big sweaty man with girl hair and a lack of personality, and Vince Can Ruin That. Badda Boo, 3 months past our due! How we losing?
My Pick: The Club via Shenanigans so that Enzo and Cass can win at Mania.
Singles Match for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Bayley © vs Charlotte Flair
The Build: Charlotte doesn’t care about Raw. Instead of getting beat by a 15 year old hood rat, she got beat by a kid with Autism on Raw. Don’t worry though because Charlotte gets her chance to win the belt back to become a 21 time Women’s Champion.
My Pick: Charlotte Flair LOL
Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
The Build: WWE wants a fatale four way orgy at Mania, so they need to have “Since I was a lit tel girl” Sasha take on Umaga in drag.
My Pick: Nia Jamal.
Sami Zayn vs Samoa Joe
The Build: Sami Zayn was told to keep Joe’s name out his mouth. He didn’t.
TV & Movies
Henry Huge Pecs
Ray Williams III
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