By: Troy Boesen
It’s time for Raw to put on a show with WWE Passing Lane!
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar
The Build: We need some cruiserweights, dammit! Kendrick wanted Tozawa to be his protégé, but Tozawa refused. Swann and Dar were added for posterity sake.
My Pick: Swanzawa
Singles Match for the WWE Universal Championship: Kevin Owens © vs Goldberg
The Build: Billium Goldberg was tossed out of the Royal Rumble and requested a title shot match. He was given a title match. Kevin Owens decided that he was done being a goofy schmuck and DELETED Chris Jericho. Big Kev said that Goldberg got lucky and that he never liked Goldberg growing up (which may actually be true as Owens was a WWE Mark all his life). Golfborg made faces and grunted.
My Pick: Fucking hell. Probably Goldberg, although, Owens dropped the line “The EVOLUTION of Kevin Owens”, as we know, Evolution is a mystery, but we could be getting a Triple H led stable.
Roman Reigns vs Bruan Strowman
My Pick: Hees da plan, nobody wins baybey.
Gentlemanly contest for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville © vs Jack Gallagher
The Build: Gentleman Jack the Quipper earned a match against King Neville for the Cruiserweight belt via a Midget Battle Royal. Mary Cockings and The Man That Sideburns Forgot are set to do battle because we had to do something with the belt.
My Pick: Neville actually retains.
Tag Team Match for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championships:
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson © vs Enzo Amore and Big Cass
The Build: My name is Enzo Amore, and I am a chicken fucking, bottom rope ducking, crowd heat sucking waste of an over talent and Vince Can Ruin That. This right here, this is Big Cass, and he’s a big sweaty man with girl hair and a lack of personality, and Vince Can Ruin That. Badda Boo, 3 months past our due! How we losing?
My Pick: The Club via Shenanigans so that Enzo and Cass can win at Mania.
Singles Match for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Bayley © vs Charlotte Flair
The Build: Charlotte doesn’t care about Raw. Instead of getting beat by a 15 year old hood rat, she got beat by a kid with Autism on Raw. Don’t worry though because Charlotte gets her chance to win the belt back to become a 21 time Women’s Champion.
My Pick: Charlotte Flair LOL
Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
The Build: WWE wants a fatale four way orgy at Mania, so they need to have “Since I was a lit tel girl” Sasha take on Umaga in drag.
My Pick: Nia Jamal.
Sami Zayn vs Samoa Joe
The Build: Sami Zayn was told to keep Joe’s name out his mouth. He didn’t.
I was gone for a while because I live off of comments, and I was starving. Monday Night Raw tried to follow up an amazing Owens/Jericho segment with this show, and while it was not as good of a show as last week, it was a better show then we have been seeing.
SmackDown Live continued to be excellent, this week having a white person take something from a black person, and having a battle royal that was clearly won by one guy, but the GM, who’s brain is pudding, could not decide a winner.
by Adam Salzer
There have been things done right going into this show and things done poorly. How does it all play out in the end? Let's find out!
By: Troy Boesen
Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Championship
John Cena © VS AJ Styles vs Dean Ambrose vs The Miz vs Baron Corbin vs Bray Wyatt
The Build: John Cena beat AJ Styles clean at Royal Rumble to win his 16th World Championship. The idea was always that both of these guys would be in the elimination chamber. Instead of getting an Intercontinental Championship match, we instead get Ambrose in the Chamber. Expect Randy Orton will be paying attention to this match as the winner will face him at Wrestlemania.
My Pick: Bray Wyatt. This makes the most sense storyline wise. The other options are John Cena (which we have seen 84 times already), Ambrose (which doesn’t make sense with the IC belt) or a heel vs heel match.
Tag Team Turmoil Match for the WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championships
American Alpha © vs Slyno vs Breezango vs The Usos vs The Ascension vs The Vaudevillains
The Build: Good lord. There was none. American Alpha were left off the Royal Rumble card altogether. They put out an open challenge which brought out the entire division.
My Pick: American Alpha, but hopefully this brings up The Revival.
Singles Match for the WWE SmackDown Women’S Championship
Alexa Bliss © vs Naomi
The Build: Alexa had Mickie James help her defeat Becky Lynch and put out an open challenge (cause that is something a heel does). Naomi returned to challenge her.
My Pick: Alexa Bliss. It’s just not Naomi’s time. Alexa is doing far too much to elevate the belt.
Nikki Bella vs Natalya in a Singles Match
The Build: KILL IT WITH FIRE!
My Pick: We all lose.
Becky Lynch vs Mickie James in a Singles Match
The Build: Becky Lynch attempted to play mind games with Alexa Bliss by showing up in a La Luchadora outfit. Bliss returned the favor the next week. During Lynch’s title opportunity, a person in the La Luchadora outfit interfered, and Becky Lynch tried to unwrap the intruder like an Arby’s roast beef sandwich fresh from the drive through, only to find that it was former Diva Mickie James. James had returned to get the respect she feels she deserves.
My Pick: Mickie James. Sorry Becky.
Luke Harper vs Randy Orton in a Singles Match
The Build: Randy Orton and Luke Harper have been fighting for Bray Wyatt’s attention since Orton joined the family. Harper was an original, and Orton was an interloper. After weeks of Harper and Orton stepping on each others' dicks, Royal Rumble finally saw Harper snap. He gave a discus clothsline to Bray and attempted to take Orton out of the Rumble. While Harper was tossed from the match by Taker (because that makes sense) the following SmackDown Live saw Harper fully leave out from under Bray. The latest SmackDown Live saw Harper fully emerge as his own man after another discus clothsline to Bray and a shove to Orton which caused Cena to beat Orton.
My Pick: Randy Orton. I wish I could pick Harper, cause I loves me some swamp gas, but Orton has to gain some momentum heading into WrestleMania.
Apollo Crews and Kalisto vs Dolph Ziggler in a 2 on 1 Handicap Match
The Build: Dirf Zoggler turned heel, and it appeared that big things were on the horizon. Those big things were lower midcard buddies Apollo Crews and Kalisto. He attacked both with Steel Chairs, leading to a handicap match.
My Pick: Ziggler via Jack Swagger. Book it. Come back here after Chamber and bask in my glorious omnipotence.
By: Troy Boesen
It’s time for a touch of class, straight from my big white ass, It’s the Power Top Rankings!
by Adam Salzer
Hello, everyone, and welcome to my favorite wrestling night of the year, the Royal Rumble! Will this Royal Rumble be a reminder of Rumbles past, where a new face steps up and carves his name in the annals of history, or will we get another Rumble where someone you've seen a million times gets to go to Mania again instead of them actually pushing an up-and-comer? Let's find out together, shall we?
by Adam Salzer
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the first Making the Grade of 2017! We're back on a Saturday night for NXT Takeover: San Antonio! What have you got for us, NXT?
By: Troy Boesen
The Build: Cesaro and Sheamus won the belts from The New Day to end the New Day’s record setting reign. The New Day decided that the belts don’t really matter to them. Gallows and Anderson, the heels, lost a title match because of referee idiocy, so we double downed and now get a two referee match.
My Pick: They both win simultaneously. One ref calls it Cesaro and Sheamus, the other Gallows and Anderson. This leads to Cesaro and Sheamus retaining.
The Build: Was there a build? Not really. Nia Jax hurt Banks. Shit happened. No one cared.
My Pick: Sasha Banks
The Build: Fuck this storyline. Owens, Reigns, Jericho, and Rollins kept being in matches together. To sell a toy we put Jericho in a Shark Cage. Jericho beat Reigns for the US Belt, and Jericho will not defend it on this PPV. This became a no DQ match for no reason.
My Pick: Owens, via Jericho getting out of the Shark Cage.
The Build: John Cena gave his old “If I was fired, I would be nothing” lie promo and was gifted a title shot he didn’t earn.
My Pick: Styles. Cena will get his title shot at Mania to tie the record.
The Build: The Sasha Banks feud was over. That is all.
My Pick: Charlotte via shenanigans.
The Build: Neville crowed himself King of the Cruiserweights after destroying them all.
My Pick: Neville. #MakeWWEChampionsWhiteAgain
The Build: Nothing. They literally just made this match to get the women on the card.
My Pick: Who gives a shit. It doesn’t matter.
30-Man Royal Rumble Match for a World Championship Match at WrestleMania 33
My Pick: For once we have a very tough choice here. I am going with Braun Strowman.
TV & Movies
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