by Adam Salzer
Survivor Series 2016! SmackDown vs. Raw! Fantasy made real! Will SmackDown lose the Intercontinental Title? Will Raw lose the Cruiserweight division? There's a lot at stake tonight, but will the show live up to the hype!
Let's find out!
Kickoff Match: Drew Gulak, Ariya Daivari, Tony Nese v. Rick Swann, TJ Perkins, Noam Dar
Nice surprise kickoff match that's definitely to promote 205 Live and not just another, "Hey we've got all these cruiserweights not doing anything, get them the hell out there."
Grade: B, that standing 450 still blows my mind, though that slo-mo replay looked pretty brutal for Daivari.
Kickoff Match: Kane v. Luke Harper
Why they couldn't have announced these matches, I don't know. This match is guaranteed to be slow and lumbering, mostly because of Kane.
Grade: C, meh, also Kane shouldn't have won.
Women's Survivor Series Elimination: Team Raw (Bayley, Alicia Fox, Nia Jax, Sasha Banks, Charlotte v. Team SmackDown (Becky Lynch, Naomi, Alexa Bliss, Carmella, Natalya)
Really, they should have just put Natalya in the match to begin with. Doing an attack gimmick is dumb, unless, for some reason, they're planning a Nikki v. Nattie feud. Nia looks strong the way she eliminated Naomi, Sasha looks like crap the way she gets eliminated, so there ya go...
Grade: B, good match, good setup for the Raw Women's Title match at whatever the next Raw PPV is, or the Rumble, but Sasha being eliminated by a rollup annoys me.
Intercontinental Title: The Miz (c) v. Sami Zayn
Everyone went into this match sure that the Intercontinental Title would be going to Raw, and then they pulled out the screwjob IN CANADA. And remember, since Sami lost Steph was right and he is just the worst thing in WWE today.
Grade: B, Great match, terrible ending.
Tag Team Survivor Series Match: Team Raw (Enzo and Cass, Shining Stars, The Club, Sheamaro, New Day) v. Team SmackDown (Slyno, Breezango, The Usos, Hype Bros, American Alpha)
I understand why Breezango went out first, because fuck Kevin Dunn, but why did the Raw Tag Champs go out second? And in such a short time? Did they have to catch a bus? I mean Raw is in the same arena tomorrow night...
Grade: A, I really thought that SmackDown was going over, to build some suspense for the 5-on-5 men's match, but I liked the way they got there, lots of action, some nice high spots, and Heath got to show that he actually has an offense.
Cruiserweight Title/Division: Kalisto v. The Brian Kendrick (c)
I had no idea what to expect here, given that I was sure Sami would take the IC belt to Raw and he didn't, but...Baron Corbin?
Grade: B, the match was great, that finish was garbage.
Men's 5-on-5 Survivor Series Match: Team SmackDown (Shane McMahon, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose) w/ James Ellsworth v. Team Raw (Braun Strowman, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Chris Jericho, Kevin Owens)
Given the way this night has gone, I fully expect SmackDown to lose here, too. I appreciated the Ellsworth spot, cause they kept Strowman looking like a beast. Team Chris and Kevin's eliminations were...interesting. Shane's elimination was scary as hell, and Dean turning on his team just to get revenge on AJ? Nonsensical. The frog splash RKO was pretty sweet, though.
Grade: C, while I'm glad SmackDown won so it wasn't a complete Raw sweep, and I'm glad Bray Wyatt was allowed to shine, there was just too much nonsense here to be overall productive. Plus Roman Reigns killed Shane.
Brock Lesnar v. Goldberg
So...that was your main event then...
Grade: D, your main event, the match the fans bought the show to see, and it lasts a minute, like this was WCW in 1998. I am speechless at how terrible of a decision that was. Was Goldberg not ready to actually have a match? Like...WTF...
Average Grade: B-
I got nothing.
- The more things change, the more they stay the same. You had a chance to shake things up and move some shit around and you did absolutely nothing. Cruisers stay on Raw where they don't belong, making 205Live following SmackDown tapings continue to make no sense. The Intercontinental Title not changing hands means Dolph's title loss on Tuesday makes no sense. Bad choices all around on these two matches, and given that it was two matches, I'm taking a full point off.
- On a similar note, all three Survivor Series matches just felt so similar. Schmoz, moves from the top taking out every guy on both teams on the outside, it's like they had an elimination match run sheet and every match was booked by the numbers.
- Really, with all the 2k logos in the main event? You basically used the game cover for your event poster, I get what we're doing here.
That's two full points off, that's a record!
Final Grade: D-, what a shitshow. Match quality was decent but there was just so much other nonsense going on that it dragged everything down with it. Plus, that main event...what the actual fuck...
I know we were talking during the build about how this is the only time you'll ever see SmackDown vs. Raw and how there was no way they ever do this only once.
Please...please, WWE, never do this again...
Leave your comments below, or on the hotline at 61-RUNDOWN-7, and I'll be back in two weeks for TLC!
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