By: Troy Boesen
: MNT DEW KICKSTART YOUR HEART SHOW
Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs The Club (Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson)
The Build: The Club lost the Tag Titles to The Hardy Boyz and lost the subsequent rematch. Enzo and Big Cass answered an open challenge after The Golden Truth were thankfully destroyed by Braun Strowman. Despite The Club beating Enzo and Cass, we get a rematch here on the Paycheck Kick Off Show.
My Pick: The Club
WWE United States Championship (If Jericho Wins the title, he will join SmackDown): Kevin Owens © vs Chris Jericho
The Build: Owens and Jericho fought to a disappointing conclusion at Mania and this is Jericho’s rematch. Since the Superstar Shake Weight, Owens and Jericho have been separated from each other and this should be the last we see of Jericho for a while. If Jericho does win, he gets sent to SmackDown as well, because Kurt Angle’s pill brain is worse than Daniel Bryan’s concussion brain.
My Pick: Owens.
WWE Raw Tag Team Championship: The Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff Hardy) © vs Cesaro and Sheamus
The Build: After a surprise return, The Fractured Hardyz won the Raw Tag Team Championships. Sheamus and Cesaro won a number 1 contender match to give them possibly one last chance to become two time champs.
My Pick: The Hardyzzzz, via Cesaro and Sheamus split.
House of Whores Match: Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt
The Build: What was once anticipated to be a great feud turned to rot before our very eyes man. The Eater of Worlds Bray Wyatt held the championship in his holy hands, only for the Viper to sneak up and snatch it away. Once the suits in charge decided that Bray should be moved to a new kingdom, there was one thing left to do, have a House of Whores match man. Now, I know you may be contemplating what a Waffle House of Horrors match is brother, but I can tell you, nobody knows. The title is not even on the line anymore man.
My Pick: Bray, Because Fuck SmackDown Live, Amirite!?
WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville © vs Austin Aries
The Build: Austin Aries is the second best Cruiser on the roster, which is why he keeps winning number one contenders matches but Neville is the best. Austin Aries is like the Buffalo Bills when they lost four straight Super Bowls. #Sportsball #StayWoke.
My Pick: Neville
Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman
The Build: Roman Reigns. Braun Strowman. Big sweaty men. Erections to be had.
My Pick: Braun Strowman via anything to keep Roman strong while not burying Braun so he can get buried by Brock.
Seth Rollins vs Samoa Joe
The Build: Joe is upset that Seth hurt Stephanie and Triple H. Joe should be upset he didn’t get paid for WrestleMania.
My Pick: Seth
WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Bayley © vs Alexa Bliss
The Build: The Superstar Weight Loss shake took Charlotte to SmackDown so she could continue to be terrible at promos and brought Alexa, who is arguably the best talker in the Women’s Division, to Raw. Alexa won a number one contenders match because we don’t know how to organically create feuds anymore. Bayley has had a very forgettable and very poorly received title run.
My Pick: Alexa Bliss.
By: Troy Boesen
Monday Night Raw was largely the ascension of Braun Strowman. Braun dominated the show and was a running theme throughout the episode. I’ve always been a fan of these types of episodes as long as the Superstar that is involved is entertaining. I don’t like it when Seth Rollins spends an episode searching for Triple H, and it doesn’t lead to anything. SmackDown Live this week proved that you can have your entire roster at odds with each other and can be great, so anytime that someone interacts with people they typically don’t, it’s usually great. Anyone who doesn’t comment on this article is a Vince Russo supporter. Just checking to see if you are actually reading this or not.
SmackDown Live was the Charlotte show. She was featured in three segments. James Ellsworth was also in three segments. The Usos and Becky Lynch were not featured. Let that one sink in. This show really felt like they did not have enough time to showcase everyone they wanted. SmackDown also has everyone mad at everyone else. While it is hard to figure out clear storylines, it’s great because people are not being segmented away from everyone else not in their feud.
By: Troy Boesen
The first of the two Superstar Shakeup episodes this week, Monday Night Raw got everyone afraid for SmackDown Live.
SmackDown Live whipped out its 12 inch dick and slapped Raw in the face in the very first segment of the night. Things just got better from there.
While we did not get what the actual trades were, we can make a fair assessment of what they could have been. You could convince me a few different ways to go on these trades, but I tried to go with what made the most sense. SmackDown got two tag teams in exchange for one tag team, and it would not make sense to make that deal, so I had to get creative. Here we go.
Apollo Crews for The Shining Stars
Deal: Apollo Crews was a touted star coming up from NXT, but could not find a direct and the small push he got once coming to SmackDown Live quickly ended. The Shining Stars are former Tag Champs and were lost in the shuffle on Raw.
Winner: SmackDown Live. Crews was doing nothing on SDL and he wasn’t even booked on Raw for the shakeup. The Shining Stars debuted on SDL and instantly got into a feud. We will finally get two tag storylines running at once.
The Miz and Maryse for Rusev and Lana
Deal: The Miz and Maryse were the best part of SDL for a while, while Rusev has been underused. Lana is being stretched out as a wrestler now.
Winner: RAW. Maybe in the long run SDL will win this one, but giving up one of the best pure heels for Rusev, who is really good, seems like a deal that makes up for SDL winning other trades. Miz and Maryse seem like they are starting a feud with Dean, something they have done before. Lana joining the womens division could be good, but they are great as a power couple. Rusev could be a top Midcard heel for SDL.
Dean Ambrose (IC) for Kevin Owens (US)
Deal: More about getting the belts swapped in non kayfabe, and also about getting the first round bust Ambrose off the show while bringing in a guy who will be the top heel on SDL.
Winner: SmackDown Live, by a mile. Ambrose failed as the World Champ and was failing as IC champ. Over on Raw, I don’t see what he will be used for after losing the belt. Owens opened the show to a huge pop, and continued to show why he is so good. Even after he eventually loses the belt, Owens is a top star.
Curt Hawkins for Jinder Mahal
Deal: Chad Hawkins for Jinder is just trading lower midcard/enhancement talent guys.
Winner: Draw. I would have given Jinder the slight edge here, but giving a concussion to Finn may hurt him. Also, being in a feud with Mojo Rawley isn’t going to help him much.
Bray Wyatt for Sami Zayn
Deal: This one was difficult because honestly, it probably should be Sami for Dean and Bray for Owens. Either way, the result is the same.
Winner: SmackDown Live. So, first off, I know Bray is a former world champion, but it was just not working out. His feud with Randy is largely to blame. Sami is a guy who the crowd is getting behind and he was instantly elevated by joining the blue brand. Zayn may have lost his first match, but he was a main event player and the future looks bright for him.
Kalisto for Sin Cara
Deal: Swapping of Cruiserweights.
Winner: RAW (and 205 Live). Kalisto should be great for the Cruiserweight division while Sin Cara will probably be a non-entity on SmackDown Live.
Slater and Rhyno for The New Day
Deal: The very first SmackDown Live Tag Champs for The Longest Reigning Tag Champs in WWE History.
Winner: SmackDown Live. SDL had a tag issue. While there were a few other guys we wanted to see join SmackDown, The New Day not only gives the division a boost, but also forces SDL to book the hottest group in the WWE.
Alexa Bliss and Mickie James for Charlotte Flair
Deal: The 2 time Womens Champ and a 6 time women’s champ for a 5 time womens champ.
Winner: SmackDown Live. Alexa is great, and Mickie is still doing great work in ring, but Alexa has the same issue many heels have today and that is people love her. Charlotte, who is one of the best in ring workers today, gets true heel heat. Charlotte can be the focal point of the division and give a face boost to whoever she fights.
David Otunga for Byron Saxton
Deal: A swap of Color Commentary guys.
Winner: SmackDown Live. Raw not only loses the great dynamic between Corey and Byron, but they also got the worst Color Commentary guy in the WWE (Not counting Percy Watson). Byron did great on SmackDown Live and we got a week off from David Otunga.
Additions: Raw signs The Drifter and SmackDown Live signs Tamina Snuka
Winner: RAW. Mostly because Tamina has very little to offer, but this could easily change.
Final Score: 3-6 in favor of SmackDown Live
By: Troy Boesen
Dr Dre Memorial Battle Royal
Mojo Rawley, Apollo Crews, Big Show, Chad Hawkins, Braun Strowman, Goldust, R-Truth, Primo, Epico, Curtis Axel, Bo Dallas, TransJinder Mahal, Sami Zayn, James Ellsworth, Alicia Fox, Noam Dar, Luke Harper, Dolph Ziggler, Kalisto, Kane, Erick Rowan, Heath Slater, Fandango, Junk Yard Dog, Konnor, Viktor, Jason Jordan, Jey Uso, Simon Gotch, Jimmy Uso, Jimmy Snuka, Aiden English, Tyler Breeze, Alberto Del Rio, Samoa Joe, Titus O’Neil, Mark Henry, Bit O’ Honey, Dana Brooke, Chad Gable, Referee Jack Doan, Cody Rhodes, Jack Gallagher, Maybe others
The Build: Andre died, so we could get a pre-show match that would give all the guys who got pushed off the card because of old people a chance to get a pay day. Not the candy bar, but that would be nice to.
My Pick: BRAUN
Singles Match for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville © vs Austin Aries
The Build: Neville said he beat everyone, even when he didn’t, so Austin Aries decided that he was done being a commentator and challenged the Man That Full Beards Forgot. Aries had to win a #1 Contender match instead of just beating Neville in a non-title match.
My Pick: Neville
Singles Match for the WWE Championship: Bray Wyatt © vs Baby Beard Orton
The Build: Baby Beard Orton had a plan to destroy the Wyatt Family that included getting rid of Luke Harper, and that’s about it. But even though Harper is now done with the Wyatt Family, Baby Beard wants to end Bray, who won the WWE Championship at Auschwitz. Baby Beard first said he would not cash in his Rumble in the Bank win but then decided LOL I will.
My Pick: Bray Wyatt
Singles Match for the WWE Universal Championship: Goldberg © vs Brock Lesnar
The Build: Goldberg is old. He got a title shot for no reason. Then he beat Kevin Owens. Now he faces a guy he beat twice, once in less than two minutes.
My Pick: Goldberg because fuck it.
Non-sanctioned match: Seth Rollins vs Triple H
The Build: Triple H cost Seth Rollins the Universal Championship. Rollins then had a chance to win the belt himself but failed to, so he really only has himself to blame for this and really doesn’t need to face Triple H. Rollins killed his knee again because Cross Fit is not good for your body. He signed a deal that is a slap in the face to Daniel Bryan that allows him to fight without doctor’s approval.
My Pick: Rollins
The Undertaker vs Roman Reigns
The Build: Undertaker and Roman Reigns both purchased houses that share a backyard, but neither can agree where the property line is.
My Pick: Roman Reigns, cause fuck fans.
Shane McMahon vs AJ Styles
The Build: AJ Styles, the bad guy, keeps getting fucked over by Shane McMahon, the good guy. He got fired for doing the same type of crime that Baron Corbin committed. Corbin got a title shot, and Styles got booked to face Shane.
My Pick: Shane because Styles will quit SmackDown Live.
Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship:
Bayley © vs Charlotte Flair vs Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
The Build: Bitches be crazy.
My Pick: Bayley, but take a shot every time a pin gets broken up.
Singles Match for the WWE United States Championship: Chris Jericho © vs Kevin Owens
The Build: Kevin Owens had a title match coming up but realized that he was only retaining because Chris Jericho kept helping him. So he got rid of Jericho. Then proved himself right by losing his belt.
My Pick: Kevin Owens
Mixed Tag Team Match: John Cena and Nikki Cena vs The Miz and Maryse
The Build: The Miz and Maryse continued to point out that John Cena and Nikki Bella are really only together to get publicity for their relationship and are obsessed with media attention. Cena will most likely propose to Nikki after this match, which would prove Miz and Maryse right.
My Pick: CeNikki
Singles Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dean Ambrose © vs Baron Corbin
The Build: Baron Corbin straight up tried to kill a muthafucka. This earned him a title shot.
My Pick: Baron Corbin
Dog Pile Match for the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship:
Alexa Bliss © vs Becky Lynch vs Natalya vs Mickie James vs Carmella vs Chyna’s corpse vs Maybe Emma vs Maybe Summer Rae vs Maybe Naomi vs Maybe Baby vs Fuck It Stephanie McMahon
The Build: Alexa asked to have Wrestlemania off, instead Daniel Bryan said she would have to face every available SmackDown Live woman.
My Pick: Alexa Bliss
Triple Threat Ladder Tag Team Tormoil But Probably W/Tags Match for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championship:
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson © vs Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs Cesaro and Sheamus
The Build: Gallowson were idiots, thinking that breaking up a #1 contenders match would net them a PPV off; it did not.
My Pick: Enzo and Cass
By: Troy Boesen
Raw happened. It was again all about the Authority Figures. Micker Foley was fired at the top of the show in order to finally put a bullet in this terrible storyline, and Triple H kinda took on his job in a way. More stuff happened with The Undertaker and other shit happened as well.
SmackDown Live cut off Daniel Bryan's damaged balls. Shane reversed Daniel’s decision to fire Styles. Both WWE shows this week had authority figures fighting each other. Yippee.
By: Troy Boesen
MONDAY NIGHT REIGNS
MNR happened. A great deal happened actually, and somehow, McMahon refrained from closing the show with Roman’s music hitting, although, his music did play in the main event.
SDL happened. It was better than Raw in that it has a young champion at least.
By: Troy Boesen
It’s time for Raw to put on a show with WWE Passing Lane!
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar
The Build: We need some cruiserweights, dammit! Kendrick wanted Tozawa to be his protégé, but Tozawa refused. Swann and Dar were added for posterity sake.
My Pick: Swanzawa
Singles Match for the WWE Universal Championship: Kevin Owens © vs Goldberg
The Build: Billium Goldberg was tossed out of the Royal Rumble and requested a title shot match. He was given a title match. Kevin Owens decided that he was done being a goofy schmuck and DELETED Chris Jericho. Big Kev said that Goldberg got lucky and that he never liked Goldberg growing up (which may actually be true as Owens was a WWE Mark all his life). Golfborg made faces and grunted.
My Pick: Fucking hell. Probably Goldberg, although, Owens dropped the line “The EVOLUTION of Kevin Owens”, as we know, Evolution is a mystery, but we could be getting a Triple H led stable.
Roman Reigns vs Bruan Strowman
My Pick: Hees da plan, nobody wins baybey.
Gentlemanly contest for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Neville © vs Jack Gallagher
The Build: Gentleman Jack the Quipper earned a match against King Neville for the Cruiserweight belt via a Midget Battle Royal. Mary Cockings and The Man That Sideburns Forgot are set to do battle because we had to do something with the belt.
My Pick: Neville actually retains.
Tag Team Match for the WWE Raw Tag Team Championships:
Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson © vs Enzo Amore and Big Cass
The Build: My name is Enzo Amore, and I am a chicken fucking, bottom rope ducking, crowd heat sucking waste of an over talent and Vince Can Ruin That. This right here, this is Big Cass, and he’s a big sweaty man with girl hair and a lack of personality, and Vince Can Ruin That. Badda Boo, 3 months past our due! How we losing?
My Pick: The Club via Shenanigans so that Enzo and Cass can win at Mania.
Singles Match for the WWE Raw Women’s Championship: Bayley © vs Charlotte Flair
The Build: Charlotte doesn’t care about Raw. Instead of getting beat by a 15 year old hood rat, she got beat by a kid with Autism on Raw. Don’t worry though because Charlotte gets her chance to win the belt back to become a 21 time Women’s Champion.
My Pick: Charlotte Flair LOL
Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
The Build: WWE wants a fatale four way orgy at Mania, so they need to have “Since I was a lit tel girl” Sasha take on Umaga in drag.
My Pick: Nia Jamal.
Sami Zayn vs Samoa Joe
The Build: Sami Zayn was told to keep Joe’s name out his mouth. He didn’t.
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